Equine Kingdom Riding Academy is no longer in operation.
These more than 2,000 unique pages are provided for historical and educational reference.
Equine Kingdom - Click to return to the homepage
Lessons  Arcade Anatomy Articles
Training Newsletters Library Breeds
Boarding Photos | Videos Classifieds Links
Wish List Education |Names Photography Quizzes
Advertising Miscellaneous Gifts   Humor U.S. Stables
Fun Facts Comments Stories  Books Tack Shop
History Glossary
SiteMap Contact Search Equine Kingdom

How to Think Like A Horse: The Essential Handbook for Understanding Why Horses Do What They Do

Horse Stable and Riding Arena Design

Horse Owner's Veterinary Handbook (Howell Reference Books)

Horsekeeping on a Small Acreage: Designing and Managing Your Equine Facilities

Dealing with Humans

  • I promise not to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet. I also promise not to choose that particular time to fulfill my basic needs.
  • I will not chew on my human's hair while she is grooming my stall mate on the cross ties beside my stall.
  • I will not attempt to bow when my left front hoof is being picked. I will accept the fact that I will not receive a treat for bowing under these circumstances.
  • "I promise not to kick frozen urine/mud into my human friend's eyes"
  • "I will not stand as close to the round pen as I can get and pathetically hang my head and droop my ears while you exercise the others"
  • I will not bite my human.
  • I will not pin my ears completely flat when I want my dinner and my human is taking her sweet time dishing it out.
  • I will not try to see if I can drop-kick my human the way big sis drop-kicked me.
  • I will not steal mommy's carrots out of my human's back pocket.
  • I will not bite my shoer's butt just because it's there.
  • I will not wipe my snotty nose on mom's shirt, pants, or any other piece of clothing or body.
  • I will not take a drink out of the bin and try to nuzzle mom in her hair right after.
  • I will not sneeze on dad when he's wearing a nice white shirt.
  • I will not untie Mom's boot laces and I will not play in puddles.
  • I will not wipe green slime down the back of Jo's clean white shirt
  • I promise to quit kicking the white car, even though secretly Mommy encourages it.
  • I promise to be a good boy during my workouts so that Mommy will have more time to study, even though I know that those books will hurt her cuz she won't let me chew on them at all.
  • I will let myself get caught in the field, I will not make mommy fall down on the ice trying to catch me
  • I will not blow my nose on my Mom.
  • I will not try to mooch goodies off of every human within a one-mile radius.
  • I will not use my head to fling my stall door open, bashing my Mom in the butt with it as she's leaning down to get a brush out of her grooming box.
  • I will not "drop down" while Mom is taking PICTURES of me!!!!
  • When being walked round the stable's land, I won't walk up to a jump with a ditch then decide to jump it with human in tow. (Wheeeeeeeeee Arggghhhhhhh!)
  • When having my feet picked out, I won't pick up the opposite one to which my human wants.
  • When having my back feet picked out, I won't rest the weight of my leg on my humans back. (Arrgh! Gerrof Gerrof)
  • When having my back feet picked out, I won't hop to the side using my human to hold up the whole weight of my back end.
  • I will not stamp my hind feet like a little missy when my human pulls mud off ticklish bits.
  • I will not make horrible faces at my human when he doesn't pay me the attention I deserve 100% of the time.
  • I will not push my human into the water trough while she is bending over it scrubbing it out.
  • The next time my human squishes (not swats, heavens no) a fly on my body, I will not act as though she is trying to kill me and bolt away and break my reins (this has happened TWICE)
  • I will not take a bite out of my humans if they dare to ignore me.
  • I will not put my head on the ground when my human is reaching for my poll.
  • I will not get jealous when my person is riding, grooming or playing with any other animal or person.
  • I will learn to stand up like the big 16.2 hand boy that I am, ALL BY MYSELF, when Mike does my feet. Just say no to tranquilizers!
  • I will not get stressed out when Mom tries to ride me again. Next time, I will be ready!!
  • I will not give Mom a big kiss after filling my mouth with water.
  • I will not shake my head every time mom starts clipping my bridlepath, even though it sounds like flies buzzing around my ears.
  • Lady & Kali: We will not pretend we can't hold our back feet up for the farrier when mom knows that we can since she practices that with us a lot.
  • I promise not to wait until Mom needs to catch me for the farrier to show her how much energy I have and how good I feel today.
  • I promise not to chase my Mom when she's in the paddock just to see her run.
  • I promise faithfully not to use my rider as a rubbing post when he/she has just dismounted, I understand it CAN be really annoying and distracting.
  • I Will NOT ignore HER when she tells me to pay attention to HER.
  • I will not turn my butt to Mom when she tries to catch me and put me back in my pasture even if she is wearing a nightgown and flip-flops and looks ridiculous.
  • I promise that when She is putting hoof oil on my feet that I *will* keep them on the ground and not knee her in the face thereby damaging her expensive eyeglasses
  • I will not kick at flies whilst mummy is cleaning my hooves causing mummy concussion and sending her to hospital.
  • I WILL NOT lay totally flat in my stall with my eyes glazed and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my owner frantically screaming "are you asleep"
  • I promise not to moan or whine while sleeping causing everyone in the barn to ask my human when the vet is coming.

Return to main Humor page

From http://www.jerseyguy.com/badhorse.html

  

Webmaster: Sally A. Nolte
 EquineKingdom.com  2007-2023
Copyright, Disclaimer, and Terms of Use
Locations of visitors to this page
Please also visit:   RF Cafe | Airplanes and Rockets